BagBlog

Beijing 2008 Newswire

Tracy Withenshaw sweeps the board at the new Olympic event.

Tracy wins gold having completed 70 days of endurance and stamina, with the risk of fatigue or fracture dogging her every step, "Credit cards aren't as strong as they used to be" she claims.

Tracy stood atop the podium flanked by the Bronze and Silver medalists from the USA and Hong Kong. Tears streaming down her face and overcome with emotion as the British national anthem plays, "I'm dreading the arrival of chip and pin", "I'll have to train hard to avoid repetitive strain injury in 2012".

Ever since introduction of the new event was announced in 2005 Tracy has been training hard. "The British are naturals at this event" Tracy tells us. "It's appropriate that Britain should take gold. You only have to look every weekend and most weekdays, the participation and uptake of this sport is tremendous". "People are sacrificing their leisure time to put every ounce of effort into this discipline, it's like a drug, though naturally we athletes compete without the assistance of drugs"

When asked about her training regime Tracy said "I don't have a coach, I don't need one". Tracy explains "It's enough to watch the commercials on television, cinema, billboards and magazines".

"You can really believe in yourself and what you can achieve and be totally motivated if you'll simply believe what the commercials tell us", "One of the difficulties I have had has been lack of space, space for all the stuff I bought" Tracy added.

I only hope that Britain's chances of winning the bid to host the 2012 Olympics will be strengthened by todays result" Tracy sobbed proudly.

This new event was a showcase event for the 2008 Beijing Olympics, but we have been informed by an insider from the International Olympic Committee (many of whom are very accomplished athletes in this field in their own right) that Shopping will be elevated to an official Olympic event at the 2012 Olympics.

For a University town, how is it that there are so many stupid people here?

Just this morning, driving to work, I saw a man totally oblivious to the fact his tailgate was open (no cargo sticking out making it necessary). On the same journey, a woman with her parents. Her baby sitting on Grandma's knee. Not only is this illegal, but her baby will be strawberry jam on the windscreen in an accident.

At the weekend I stopped for a pint in a pub. A young family was there in the no smoking area. Later they all moved to the smoking area so Dad could have a fag. Really intelligent!